Your Ticket to the Gun Show: Arms Which Charm and Harm 101

Undoubtedly an original van Gogh in the background

            You are looking at THE biggest arms North of the Equator, THE biggest arms East of the Prime Meridian, THE biggest arms right beside the Mason Dixon Line, longitude and latitude, arms with a villainous attitude!

            All ballyhoo and hyperbole aside, I get by pretty fair with my arms.  The ladies seem to compliment them from time to time and I find them being (blatantly) groped in rooms filled with liquored up, young dames.  As a strength and combat athlete, I really have nothing to extricate from the aesthetic value of my arms.  They could be toothpick thick, for all I care, if they can put up 500 lbs. on the bench, you won’t hear me complaining.

You weren't as furtive as you believed you were.

            But let’s be honest; the general populace is nescient to matters of strength and fitness.  They are a simple bunch who is dazzled by the superficial tchotchkes.  Many times their assessment of fitness will be based on trivial matters such as abdominal definition, chest protrusion, and of course, a pair of pythonic biceps.

Fuark!  The abs!

 

            But I have good news.  You don’t have to train like a narcissistic pansy, doing concentration curls with 20 lbs. dumbbells while gazing through a mirror.  You can still train with machismo, for strength and performance, and still walk around asking people if they’ve got their tickets to the Gun Show.

            My arms have always been proportionately large on me.  Sure, like any novice lifter, I was doing plenty of curls and drinking plenty of Muscle Milk at the inception of my lifting career.  However, as soon as I shed my puerile teenage years, I began to train for performance and ceased prioritizing arms.  But my arms continued to remain strong and full.  How?  Let’s examine another photograph.

Curtains made of gold, ho.  I live in fucking Xanadu.

            Notice the development of the back.  When I was younger, I was a rather lanky and gangly hobbledehoy.  The squats and bench were awkward lifts but my body frame seemed to be suited towards pulling motions.  So that’s how I began to compensate: pulling heavy, heavy weights.  At the age of 18 I was rowing 150 lbs. dumbbells for sets of twelve (I’d have gone heavier if the castrated USF Recreation Center provided them.)  I was doing pullups with 100 lbs. hanging from me.  I was doing ugly, ugly barbell rows with 315 lbs.  Hell, here’s an ignominious confession, I pulled 500 lbs. on the deadlift before I ever even squatted 275 lbs. to depth. 

Squats so high they give you cataracts

 

            So yes, cease the insipid curling, and begin pulling some heavy weights.  The biceps are NOT a large and involute muscle.  Their growth response is best when hit heavy, quick, and with intensity.  Still not convinced?  Well, let’s look at the arms of some of the world’s greatest pullers.  Keep in mind, these are not bodybuilders; they do not allot time to train for arm aesthetics.

K.K

Benedikt Magnusson

Ed Coan

            Need I say more?

            But let’s not be myopic, the biceps are a mere 1/3^rd of the arm.  The remaining 2/3^rd is comprised of the three triceps heads.

            When I began to run the Westside Program, triceps suddenly became a focal point.  I went from doing the perfunctory triceps pushdowns, to doing closegrip bench press, board presses, floor presses, lockouts, JM presses, rolling triceps extensions, Tate presses, and whatever else could put a horseshoe on the back of my arm.  And let me tell you, blasting triceps 2-3 times a week works.  What was once a weakness of mine had now become a strength.  And using chains and bands as accommodating resistance forced the triceps to either adapt or staple me to the bench.

Why have strong triceps when you can just fuck the sky in order to press the weight?

            The manners which I hit my arms now are as follows.  I do closegrip bench press twice a week, which I feel is most comfortable for me in terms of staying tight and utilizing my triceps and upper back.  And hell, it’s a major, compound movement; do it.  Even my conventional bench press makes use of a fairly narrow grip.  My overhead press consists of me squeezing my elbows against my sides and utilizing as much triceps as possible.  Other than that, I do triceps rolling extensions and rope pushdowns for hypertrophy and recovery work.

            For biceps I am still doing heavy Pendlay rows (generally sets of 5), pullups/chin-ups, cable rows, and lat pulldowns.  I often do hammer curls, more so as an upperback/forearm developer.  And maybe once a week, for vanity’s sake, I’ll spend 10 minutes doing barbell or dumbbell curls.  My entire routine can be found HERE.

 

            So there you have it; if you desire to be a charismatic Casanova with softballs for arms ensconced in his shirt, the key is to not lift like a ninny.  And don’t you ever grope my arm in a crowded room again, dude.  Ladies, carry on.  

Alistair Overeem:  Tests positive, swears he's clean.  Who needs gear when you've got 10 lbs. dumbbells to curl?

-Sameer Saklani