The sort of first impression we wish to create upon you is akin to rescuing you off of the railroad tracks as a roaring train approaches and then promptly raping you. We only wish to leave you in a befuddled admixture of joy, sadness, confusion, anger, laughter, and overall enlightenment.
This is BEASTIO THEORIO. If ever there was a consummate internet site, this is it. This is the workings of two brilliant and brawny madmen, pontificating upon matters of strength, nutrition, programming, art, literature, education, science, comedy, and any other thing that presents itself to us. How are we accredited to speak of all this? Divinely, that's how. Using divinity as a source prevents us from providing further explanation.
Our purpose is simple: education, entertainment, and emotion (specificity of emotion is irrelevant.) If one of those things do not present themselves to you, then we have failed. If, however, we succeed, we demand monetary or sexual reimbursement.
So sit back or sit down or lie down, it doesn't matter; the force that follows is ineluctable.
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Zachary Martin (the man with many names) has lived all over the US (more specifically New York and Florida) and has traveled all over the world (more specifically Switzerland and Costa Rica). He is currently employed in the security field, guarding those too frail to guard themselves from the evils of this world. When not saving lives, he can be found lifting heavy things, reading, parkouring, or in the leisurely attainment of his Bachelor’s degree, among other things.
http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=757508810
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Sameer Saklani (Supervillain) is a Brooklyn born being who now resides in Tampa, FL. He has received his Bachelors of Art in English/Creative writing and is now pursuing his Master's. He spends his time working as a wordsmith, pugilist, jester, huckster, sage, artist, and philanderer.
Sameer Saklani believes that a man should NEVER hit a woman. Well, unless like, you know...
Sameer Saklani remembers Kindergarten like it was yesterday. Primarily because he still goes and watches the children play.
Sameer Saklani has a complex Oedipus Complex, he's in love with his grandmother.
Sameer Saklani once dated his cousin. When asked whether he considered it incest, he responded that it was all relative.
Sameer Saklani has a neighbor who claims that he is a voyeur. He believes that is quite hypocritical coming from someone who likes to read magazines while taking a bubble bath.
On a more serious note, Sameer Saklani believes all things are tantamount and that the internet should merely be an artistic projection with no connection to an individual self.
http://www.facebook.com/#!/profile.php?id=704298296
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